Fear that Holds Us Back


“No, No, I’m am fine, here. I don’t want to go. Please just tell her to leave me here.” Was his pleading response to the long awaited news that his adoption was finished and his new dreamed of, longed for, prayed for, likened in his mind to be an angel, adoptive mother was coming to pick him up and take home with her to start his new life. The moment had been waited for often in tears of discontentment and longing for months, but when it arrived the emotions of fear, uncertainty, and anxiety were too great for him to remember that this was good news.

How often is this true of us? We long for, wait for, dream of, work towards, pray for, God to move in our lives, and when He brings our feet to the edge and says “Ok, you got it. Step out.” We are too scared to see it as good news. Should this little guy have had the choice, in that moment he would have stayed. He would have waved good-bye to the white van as it pulled off to leave for the airport, turned his back and with fast feet returned to the yard with a grin so large it would be obvious he did not know the magnitude of what he had just missed out on, the change of his entire life, the moment that would alter his everything, and he didn’t even know… it goes the same for us. When we don’t take that step, when we are too scared and say “We’re fine. We’re comfortable. We’re doing enough.” We miss that opportunity that will change us forever in ways we never knew because we are too afraid.

But just as his trusted caregivers told him, he would be happy, and he would love her, and she would love him…. 3 days after he first laid eyes on her, he laughed and jumped, and showed her off to all his friends. He ran to play than back to her arms for more hugs and this love and affection that it seemed she was never too busy to give. He talked and chatted and told of everything they had done at the guest house and how much fun it had been. Peace and joy filled his continence. He talked about what she said they would do when he got home, and what his new school would be like. With her it seems everything was ok, it was all better, so much was still unknown but she would be there with him every step of the way. The final moment came… and it was time for “Good-Bye” head hanging slightly, but smile on his face. He could still feel the little sadness in his belly of leaving all that he knew and much that he loved… but after a kiss one by one to each of his nannies he came to Gwo Mama, “Don’t be afraid she said God is in every country, no matter where you go.” His head a little higher one last kiss to Se Clarna, “He will walk with you in everything you do.” Now standing straight tall, the good-byes over, he took her hand, and without looking back took that step, and the van rolled away to a life of love, family, and opportunity he could have never imagined.

You will forever live in our hearts and prayers. God be with you as you grow! Never forgotten. We love you!

Blog Photo 7 Oct 2010

4 comments (Add your own)

1. Lois Reimer wrote:
Beautifully written Molly. You have a gift:)

Sun, October 10, 2010 @ 12:53 AM

2. Melinda Dewsbury wrote:
So beautiful. So true. Molly, thank you.

Wed, October 13, 2010 @ 3:06 PM

3. Louise Elliott wrote:
Molly - Thank you for sharing this story As adoptive parents, we can only imagine what is going on in our child's heart as we prepare to leave with them on that last day, in those few precious moments before the Kay B gate closes forever. Your thoughts and expression of what it must be like for our children is a wonderful gift to them. It also expresses the deep love and committment you, and all GLA staff, feel for the children. I will be including this writing in John's life book - thank you!! Blessings, Louise

Thu, October 14, 2010 @ 10:50 PM

4. Keev wrote:
Blogging is the cheapest trpahey there is.And it does take time to build a readership but it is so fun. I don't have much of a following anymore because I essentially quit blogging for 2 years. But my biggest traffic day ever was the day Tessa was born over 2500 (and that is nothing compared to the big bloggers) unique visitors to my blog that day to check on me and see how I was doing. That kind of support is pretty amazing.

Thu, October 8, 2015 @ 12:38 AM

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